CRACK TIME!
by DearFreakinTonOfRandomness
Summary: This is a series of invader Zim crack stories I have made with just boredom or friends, if you're looking for a good laugh then this is the place you need to go.. Enjoy
1. Dickers

**before you read know that we don't actually hate these characters, this is just a parody for fun, just a few laughs now, enjoy~**

DICKERS

Zim sat nervous at his desk, scribbling all his notes for his newest plan "Zim! Are you fooling around again!?"

"n-no Mrs. bitte-"

"I don't want any of your excuses, see me after class!"

Zim sighed allowed "yes Mrs. Dickers.." Dib looked at him incredulously.

~after class!~ Zim tried to sneak out but.. "Zim! Where do you think you're going?"

"home, I have stuff to do.."

"oh you're not going anywhere." she locked the door and smiled evily Zim laughed nervous as she moved in leaning him on Dib's desk and spreading his legs apart.

"Ahhh... What are you.. Doing...?" he asked anxiously.

"Tell me Zim," she started to remove her dress. "Ever seen a grown woman naked?". She tore off her black dress to reveal a gargantuan, manly cock.

"HOLY SHIT!" Zim exclaimed. "IT'S...IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" his eyes dropped in ah, teary

"Why thank you" Mrs. Bitters blushed slightly and continued to trace his legs up and down, and blinked seductively. Zim purred, moving her hands towards his own dick. "How about you take off that uniform and we can get this show on the road?". Zim smirked and started to remove his clothing. He revealed his naked body with anticipation. "Haha your weiner is small." Ms. Bitters teased.

"Ms. Bitters why?" he said tearfully.

"oh don't worry child, a small one young a huge , manly one like mine you get older, pfft tallest, more like the biggest cock."

"ye- wait what?" suddenly Mrs. Bitter unzipped her skin to reveal Red!? "wha! But..but Mrs. bitters! Where did you go!?"

"Mrs. bitters won't be coming back." purple said sneaking up behind to double lock the door. Then Red steeped around to close the windows

"B-but I loved her.." a tear formed in his eye. Red and Purple came together and picked Zim up.

"Oh don't worry, our child. You'll love us much more." Red said. They threw him down on Ms. Bitters' desk. Red put his dick in his butthole while Purple started mouth fucking him. Zim screamed but his screams faded into pants

"M-my ta..my tallest!" purple smirked

"just relax.." red said allowed then went back to the grapefruiting "you did say you would do anything to become a tallest."

"y-you mean?"

"nope" Zim screamed louder As Laughter came from the vent above them, which sounded just like Dib, then camera flashes appeared But no one noticed and if they did they didn't care. Dib grabbed his dick and started masturbating furiously. So furiously, in fact, that in his pleasure he accidentally tore off his penis, blood spraying everywhere.

"holy baLLS MY DARERSFUIYTYIIKK" he screamed. He flailed in pain until he broke through the vent and landed beside the tallest. Once again, they didn't care. In fact, as he bled in pain they used him for apart of there fun Zim finally stopped screaming and went to just panting with small "t-tallest why?" or "please stop!" but what he didn't know is he had a small smirk growing across his face especially when they made Dib who was uncontious next to then put a lead pipe covered in lemon juice inside his butthole.

"Hey, that's pretty hot." Zim remarked.

"wanna do it to you" Zim only smiled, which said it all They repeated the action to him and he cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. "damn Zim, I never knew you had an s and m fetish!" Purple said.

Zim looked back at him and said "Why do you think I always wear rubber gloves and boots when I fuck?" he asked. There was no more talking because Zim was finally reaching to the climax (for the third time ;). ) There was an explosion of cum and the tallest and Zim collapsed in pleasure. Dib continued to scream however. "Shut up Dib, your favorite anime is a piece of shit." (- lol wat)

Suddenly the school walls come apart to reveal every Skool kid clapping, cheering "Amazing! The experiment went well" Professor Membrane came up clapping,

"wait what?"the tallest said confused "s-so you mean none of it was real?"

"It was pretty real to me" purple said crying

"and Dibs dick really isn't broken?" said Zim

"oh no my boys Dick is gone"

"huh-"

"Goodnight everybody!" He threw the dick in the crowd End


	2. ZADR ATTACK!

ZADR ATTACK!

Dib paced back and forth in his room wondering what Zims next evil plot could be. He had been acting strangely quiet at skool and this was making him suspicious. He figured he should go investigate.

He slammed open the door. "Zim! I know you're-" he stopped.. Zim stared back, he was surrounded by ZaDr pictures and bloody tissues a camera and eating out of a bucket, full of lemons.

"Dib!"Zim cried. "Don't you know this is my private time!?".

"...Z-Zim? What the Hell are you doing?" he asked.

"Looking at extremely sexy ZADR of course!" he replied. "Care to join?".

"Wait, WHAT?" Dib replied.

"IT'S ZIM AND DIB ROMANCE!" Gir jumped up and screamed out of no where "is so beautiful!" Gir drooled over the pictures after a moment ran behind Dib and shoved him on top of Zim making them both fall back, Zim blushed

"Dib.. I didn't know you were like this." he looked away still blushing

"...what the fuck.."

"oh you don't have to pretend anymore I know now and it's okay.. Because I love you too.."

Dib stared back "...okay I'm just gonna go now." he said while moving back slowly for the door Until Mimi suddenly came and locked it

"You're not going anywhere.."

"tak!?" Dib said allowed confused She smiled "Now.. Make some ZADR babies!" Zim looked at Dib seductively.

"You heard the lady." Zim grabbed Dib by the hand and dragged him into an elevator.

"where the Hell are we going?" Dib asked. They went several floors underground until they reached a room with a metal table. Zim picked Dib up and threw him down on it because for some reason he was incredibly buff and strapped him down. Zim pulled out a whip as a camera focused on the scene.

"It's even complete with a camera for Tak and Mimi to watch!" he said excitedly. Then suddenly a screen came above him as Zim strapped him down, the screen showed his leaders, eating donuts and drinking poop. Zim laughed allowed, then Tak, and soon the tallest, last Gir. Zim climbed on Dib. "you should've just told me from the beginning Dibi-kins!" Mimi threw some lemons at Dib.

"NO PLEASE IM ALLERGIC TO LEMONS!" Dib screamed. Zim put a hand. Over his mouth.

"Not for loooong!" he said. Zim then started to fuck Dib mercilessly, Dib crying out in confusion all the while. He then sat up. In his room panting

"it was just a dream.." his pants started to fade

"Dibi-kins.." Zim hugged him from behind "come back to bed.." He played with raven hair

"okay.." Dib replied, as laughter from every one before echoed into Dibs dark room The end?


	3. PROBITTERS!

PROBITTERS!

Mrs Bitters sighed allowed as the bell rang and all the kids hurried out of the room. She was so bored with her life. She did the same thing every day. Sit in that Hellish room, teach all these smelly kids and wait for her days to repeat themselves. What a wasted life. Suddenly she heard a tapping on the window. It was, no, is it really that time?

It was Membrane, yes Professor Membrane the incredible scientist. Mrs. bitters blushed, then she hurried towards the window, and opened it carefully Membrane, a smile on his face handed her the flowers he had bought.

"oh you know you're not supposed to be here."

"you know I can't help it." He took her hand in his and he helped her out the window.

"Come, let's run from here and make many lemons!" he exclaimed. They ran towards the playground and hid inside the slides. Mrs. Bitters giggled as he carried her to the playground. Once they got to their destination they had the most beautiful lime, and then adjusted to the amazing lemon.

Suddenly they heard a noise. Somebody was coming! "Quick, act natural!" Professor Membrane shouted. So obviously they just continued what they were doing.

"...Dad? Ms. Bitters?"

"Son! It's not what it looks like!" Membrane exclaimed. "Well... Okay, actually it is.". Dib then proceeded to vomit all over the place.

"So that's why you where calling me son all day! But wait.. That means.."

"yep." she held up her hand with the ring around her finger blushing. "This morning." Membrane smiled back, then turned to Dib

"son, I'd like you to meet.. Your new mother... Son?" He couldn't reply, just continued to vomit even harder then before.

"Dad, why would you do this!? Isn't there like a 50 year age gap between you guys anyway?" he asked.

"Son, do not question me! I love her!" he replied.

"Don't hate or you're getting an F in my class" Dib just stared back super confused

"this has to be a joke" he said Mrs. bitters hissed back

"Honey, babe it's okay, we knew this would take some time for adjusting, wait, have you told Gaz?"

"no, I thought you did." she replied

(Gaz reaction)

Gaz opened the door to her house to see her dad and her teacher holding hands

"We're getting married!" confetti came from the air. She closed the door again...

(now)

"she'll be so happy!". However, there was still the issue of Dib's objection to their love. They thought for a moment before they had an idea.

"I know! Dib, why don't you join us in our lemon?" Ms Bitters suggested. Dib looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Before he could say anything they grabbed him and began to grapefruit him.

(later)

The new family ate Dinner Dibs face looked completely scared, he was for life, that face expression is never going away...which changed a lot of his life

(at school next day)

"you gonna stop me! And my laser cannon!? ...Dib?" asked Zim Dib stood.. Same look

(back to dinner)

"Oh come on son, say something."

"I may be old, but I'm not that bad.."

"What's with you?" Gaz asked. Dib simply stared ahead.

"Saggy old lady titties." he said quietly.

"pfft, whiner." Gaz replied He didn't say another word that night.

(next day..)

Zim poked Dib repeatedly with a stick.. "This is getting boring, Dib human. What's the point in me making threats on your life constantly if you just sit there in silence?" he asked. "Oh what, am I just not good enough for you now? I thought what we had was special!" he exclaimed tearfully. Zim ran away crying. Dib still sat there motionless Gaz on the other hand continue to play her games.

Life was good for Membrane and his wrinkly fiancée She was out trying on dresses, while membrane set it all up. Finally the day had come Bitters came out wearing a beautiful white poofed wedding dress that sparkled in the light and flowed with the wind Membrane came out with the same thing, they stared at each other "well one of us is gonna have to change" Membrane huffed

(redo)

Bitters was now wearing a beautiful tuks, black, just like her soul And Membrane giggled happily, he wore the dress, looking graceful as fuck.

"Do you, Ms Bitters take Professor Membrane as your lawfully wedded husband?" the priest asked.

"I do." she said.

"And do you, Professor Membrane, take Ms Bitters as your lawfully wedded... Um... Are you a man or a woman?" the priest asked.

"Wow,rude." Ms Bitters said

"OH MY GOSH YE- wait..." Membrane said confused They looked at each other awkwardly..

"...anyway blah blah kiss the fucking bride, groom..bride.." They kissed passionately Eliot (Gaz's teacher) cried in the audience membrane and bitters made out intense and fell to the floor, bitters ripped off Membrane's dress "oh, yeah I see it. It's okay I see it now!" the priest said allowed.

The two started to publicly fuck and shouted "Come on everybody! Join in! Don't be shy!". The crowd cheered excitedly and hurried to join. They had the most beautiful orgy the world had ever seen. Dib still sat motionless.

END!


End file.
